客服电话：400-609-1118美国藤校哈佛大学公布新一季优秀申请人文书一览
美国藤校哈佛，是一所本部坐落于美国麻萨诸塞州波士顿市剑桥区(Cambridge,Boston,Massachusetts,US)的私立研究型大学。因历史、学术地位、影响力与财富等因素而获评为世上最享负盛名的学府之一。
近日The Crimson公布了2023Fall录取者的优秀文书，并附上了每篇文章的点评。从这些例子中，我们能看到哈佛大学的文书偏好，以及生动鲜活的写作技巧。留学美国
The Color of Everything
There’s a theory that even though each color has a specific wavelength that never changes,how people perceive a specific color may have subtle differences based on small differences in photoreceptors,and the color that one person might consider red might still be red in another’s mind but could look different—a little duller,softer,cooler.Furthermore,how a person’s brain processes the color may also be linked to that person’s environment.Some studies have suggested that color sensitivity could be linked to one’s native languages:for example,people who speak languages that have specific names for eleven colors are able to easily distinguish those eleven colors,but people who speak languages with fewer color specific words may have a harder time distinguishing them.
So it appears that even at the most elementary level of sight,the world is not an objective thing.Instead,what we know and what we remember can influence what and how we see.The color blue may just be the color blue to a three year old,perhaps her favorite color even,but an adult might connect it to so much more—the lake by his childhood home or the eye color of a loved one.
I first consciously became aware of the power that our experiences have to change perception when I went to turn on a light in my house after learning about photons in class.What had previously been a mundane light suddenly became a fascinating application of atomic structure,and I thought that I could almost perceive the electrons jumping up and down from energy level to energy level to produce the photons that I saw.I then realized that my world had steadily been changing throughout my years in school as I learned more and more.I now see oligopolies in the soda aisles of the supermarkets.I see the charges warring with each other in every strike of lightning,and the patterns of old American politics still swaying things today.Knowledge and making connections with that knowledge is the difference between seeing the seven oceans glittering in the sun and merely seeing the color blue.It’s the difference between just seeing red and seeing the scarlet of roses blooming,the burgundy of blood pumping through veins,and crimson of anger so fierce that you could burst.Knowledge is color;it is depth,and it is seeing a whole new world without having to move an inch.
It is knowledge,too,that can bring people together.I love listening to people’s stories and hearing about what they know and love,because if I learn about what they know,I can learn how they see the world;consequently,since behavior is often based upon perception,I can understand why a person behaves the way they do.On a road trip during the summer,my mom kept looking up at the streetlights lining the highways.When I asked why,she told me that whenever she saw lights by a highway she would wonder if her company had made them.She would guess how tall they were,how wide,and what style they were.She told me that ever since she started working for her company,lights no longer were just lights to her.They were a story of people who first had to measure the wind speed to figure out what dimension the lights had to be,and then of engineers,of money passing hands—possibly even under her own supervision as an accountant—and then of transportation,and of the people who had to install them.I might never perceive lights the exact way my mother does or see her“red”but by hearing her describe what she knows,I can understand her world and realize her role in ours.
Beauty and color are in the world,but it is seeking the unknown and making new connections that unlocks them from their greyscale cage.
点评
通读全文，你会发现这篇文章结构很好，每一段都进一步说明了作者探索新的“知识与生活的联系”的渴望。
在第1、2段中，她从“同一种颜色在不同人的感知中大不相同”这个科学理论开始，引起读者的兴趣，最后引出“我们所接受的教育、经历可以改变我们所看到的世界”这个论点。
在第3段，作者举例说明了她的第一个“A-ha”时刻：开灯这样一个小小的动作，让她“看到”了课堂上学到的电子和粒子运动。然后由此展开，将日常活动与宏观思想联系起来，从经济学到自然现象，再到政治。这是一个不断深入和拓展的过程。
第4段起到了升华的作用，进一步启发我们：教育、开放的心态能够在看似不同的世界之间架起桥梁，让我们了解和理解他人的故事。最后用她的母亲看路灯时的所思所想结尾，表明任何人都可以将他们的知识、经验与所处的环境联系起来。
总的来说，本文作者得出了一个有力的结论：教育、同理心、倾听、理解和沟通，所有这些都驱动着她探索生活。这也让招生官感受到了申请者是一个充满激情、好奇心强、讨人喜欢的学生——这一特质被哈佛大学这样充满活力的学术团体尤为看重。
哈佛大学为全美最难入读的学府之一。学校的本科教育主要集中在文理学范畴，并占整体学生人数的一小部分。此校校友涵盖8名美国总统及多国领袖与政治名人。其亦培养了62名富豪企业家及335位罗德学者，人数均为全美最多。另外，也有152名诺贝尔得奖者现在或曾经在哈佛学习和工作。哈佛大学多年来于众多大学排名里一直名列前茅。
When Life Doesn’t Gives You Lemons
With the blazing morning sun beaming through the window,I had an inclination to make a stand to sell Lebanese laymounada-a light lemonade flavored with a splash of rosewater.Throughout my childhood,anytime the temperature spiked over seventy degrees,there would be laymounada waiting for me at my Teta’s(grandmother in Lebanese Arabic)house.
At that moment,I scoured the cabinets and secured the glass pitcher only to realize we did not have lemons.To my disappointment,I realized my days of being an entrepreneur and generating revenue from my laymounada stand were over before they could even begin.I sat at the kitchen table,wallowing in disappointment.I wanted everyone to be able to taste my Teta’s laymounada.Suddenly,I had an idea that would either prove to be inventive or a total failure.I would sell lemonade without the lemons.Revolutionary,right?
I ripped off a rectangular sheet of paper towel and jotted down my business plan.I listed the key elements of the business plan:a drawing of a cup,a rose,and the price-“fifty scents”-to correlate with the rose-themed business.I sat outside of my childhood home located in a cul-de-sac of five houses and sold my neighbors a rose drink-a combination of filtered water,packets of sugar,and a dash of rosewater.Granted,I only made about$10 from a combination of my parents and generous neighbors who did not drink the“lemonade”,but the experience allowed me to realize regardless of the obstacle,if you are passionate,you can persevere.Teta’s laymounada was my introduction to entrepreneurship.哈佛大学
The entrepreneurial skills gained from my laymounada stand allowed me to establish A&G Jewelry,co-founded with my sister when I was twelve.This business focused on representing our Lebanese heritage.Using supplies we found around our house and from our local craft store,we created a variety of pieces that featured traditional Middle Eastern coins,beads,and clay baked into the shape of Lebanon.My sister and I collaborated to create marketing tools to promote our new business.Before we knew it,A&G Jewelry had earned a spot at my church’s annual Lebanese festival.After tirelessly marketing and selling our jewelry for three days straight,we had made over$900 in revenue,which we decided to donate to the church.
Entrepreneurship took a new form in high school when my sister and I founded our second partnership,The Model Brockton City Council.We saw a need to engage our peers in local government by designing a simulation of our city council.We had to collect signatures,present to many administrators,and market our new club.The initial goal to have more people try my lemonade resonated with me as I strived to have more people engage in their civic duties.Today,over twenty-five of my classmates frequently attend my meetings.
With my first business venture selling laymounada,I made$10;with A&G Jewelry,$900;with the Model Brockton City Council,the revenue amounted to$0.Although there was not a financial gain,I attained experience as a negotiator,problem solver,creative thinker,and most importantly,I became persistent.
Twelve years have passed since that summer day with my“laymounada,”and I have yet to maintain a long-lasting business.My six-year-old self would have seen this lack of continuity as a colossal failure,but instead,it instilled an intense curiosity in me.Little did I know the experience would remain so vivid after all these years.It has continued to push me,compelling me to challenge myself both academically and entrepreneurially.As I grow older,my intrinsic drive to have a lemonade stand,regardless of whatever obstacles come my way,persists as a deep-seated love of business.
When life doesn’t give you lemons,still make lemonade(or laymounada,as my Teta would say).
点评
失败的文书各有各的不好，但许多成功拿到Offer的文书都有这样一个共同结构：「钩子+锚+故事+成长」。
钩子：“钩子“的作用是吸引读者。招生官员每天要读上百篇文书，所以尽量马上抓住他们的注意力。比如在开头写一些有趣的或与众不同的东西是一个不错的方法。
这篇文章中用到的“钩子”就是laymounada，黎巴嫩的laymounada有什么特别之处？它和普通的柠檬水有什么不同？Teta是谁？作者用一连串的故事迅速引起了读者的好奇心。
锚：“锚”是一个想法或主题，用来连接、升华整篇文章。一个好的“锚”应该是发人深省的、让人回味无穷的。
本文的“锚”就是“生活没有给我柠檬”——作者在家里找不到一个柠檬，所以不得不发挥创造力推销不含柠檬的laymunada。这段经历让她学会了坚持不懈，并开始了一系列的尝试。文章在结尾又呼应了这个“锚”，将全文串联：“When life doesn’t give you lemons,still make lemonade(or laymounada,as my Teta would say).”
故事：讲故事的一大黄金法则是“show,don’t tell”，不要试图直白地告诉招生官你是一个多么伟大的人。相反，试着用故事让他们感受到你的个性、性格和取得的成就。
具体来看这篇文章，作者分享了许多有趣的细节，比如将饮料定价为“fifty scents”来契合玫瑰主题；开玩笑说她赚的10美元大部分来自父母和邻居，但他们甚至懒得喝柠檬水。这些细节将作者勾勒成来一个有趣的、有创造力的、有进取心的人，同时也展现了她的谦逊。
成长：所有优秀的申请文书都离不开强调自己从之前的经历中学到了什么、取得了哪些成长。
例如，本文作者认识到她的商业尝试缺乏连续性并不是一个“巨大的失败”，相反，这培养了她的好奇心、坚持不懈的精神和对商业的热爱。在文章的最后，很明显能感到作者是一个对商业充满热情的人，能够从每一次经历中吸取教训，并将它们应用到下一次的努力中。
作者抓住了所有这四个关键要素——钩子、锚、故事和成长——这就是这篇文章成功的原因。
哈佛大学强调培育学生全方位的发展，而不仅仅是局限在单一领域。不过，需要注意的是，学生们必须通过专业课的考试，达到基本专业要求。除此之外，选择一些兴趣课程，以此来拓宽自己的视野。
