美国名校招生官青睐什么样的申请文书?防坑指南_美国留学网

　　美国名校招生官青睐什么样的申请文书?防坑指南

　　美国留学新申请季已经如火如荼的展开，很多同学都进入了主文书的创作阶段，那么什么样的文书才是招生官希望看到的呢？不同的人有不同的理解，作为申请者是尽力展示真实的自己，还是努力包装成招生官想看的样子呢？美国留学文书

　　近日我们从约翰霍普金斯大学招生官公开推荐的6篇文书中（2025届被录取学生的优秀文书），似乎看到一些端倪，分享给大家，看看别人的文书是如何创作的。

　　1、Lifelong Learning

　　The white yarn slipped off my aluminium crochet hook,adding a single crochet to rows and rows of existing stitches,that looked to be in the form of a blob.Staring at the image of the little unicorn amigurumi lit up on the screen of my laptop,and looking back at the UMO(unidentified messy object)number five,I was extremely perplexed.

　　This had seemed so easy.Round 1,construct a magic circle with 6 single crochets.Done.Round 2 was an increase round resulting in a total of 12 stitches.Also done.The remaining rounds were blurred into hours and minutes that should have resulted in a little white creature in the likeness of a unicorn,but sitting on my desk(much like the four days before today)was a pool of tangled white yarn.It was not until day seven that a creature with a lopsided head whose horn was the only identifier of the mythical being emerged.

　　Very much like learning how to crochet,my journey in forging my own path and finding a passion was confusing,messy and at times infuriating.Even in primary school,I had heard all the stories of individuals finding their own route in life.I had been told stories of those who found their passion at a young age and were exceptionally proficient at their craft,of those that abandoned their interests and pursued a lucrative career,even those who chose their dreams but regretted it afterwards.This weighed heavily on me,as I was determined to have a success story as many of my other family members had.The only problem was that I did not have a direction.

　　In the years following primary school,I stepped out of my comfort zone in a frenzy to find a passion.I joined the school orchestra where I played the violin,and a debate class to practice public speaking and become much more eloquent.At my ballet school,I branched out to contemporary and jazz dance.I stuffed myself with experience similar to an amigurumi engorged with batting.I found myself enjoying all of those activities but soon enough,I was swamped with extracurriculars.Just like the tangles of white yarn on my desk,I was pulled in all directions.I still felt lost.To make things worse,it seemed as if everyone else had found their path in life,and they had all become white unicorns while I was still doubting the stitch I just made.

　　It was not until high school that I realised that I could view this mission to find a passion from another perspective.While successfully completing a crochet project is an accomplishment itself,the motions of making slip knots,single or double crochets takes you on an adventure as well.The knots that I had encountered in my craft were evidence of my experiences and what shaped me as an individual.My exploration of various paths through detours may have sometimes resulted in roadblocks,but I continued to persevere and learn from my experiences,applying the skills that I have gained to future knots.The mini adventures that I went on were all crucial to me in the greater journey of life.

　　Through trial and error,the current adventure that I am on resonates the most with me,taking me down the path of service and environmental activism.However,I have learnt that no one path is static,and I can be on more than one path at a time.While I may only be halfway to the proportionate unicorn amigurumi that some others may have already achieved,I still have so much to learn and so much that I want to learn,and so my journey to grow continues.

　　招生官点评：Rozanne的文章展示了追求一种新的爱好，钩针编织，类似于她为找到自己的激情所做的更大努力。她能够反映这一点，虽然这两个过程一开始可能看起来很混乱和令人困惑，但投入必要的努力和时间会带来更大、更有意义的结果。Rozanne的作品涉及她参与的其他几项影响，从舞蹈到环保活动，以及钩针等爱好。然而，在更大的层面上，当我们思考她将如何为更大的霍普金斯社区做出贡献时，这篇文章让招生委员会看到她是一个会利用机会、以多种方式与她的社区互动、将自己推到舒适区之外并能够反思的人靠自己的发展。

　　Rozanne（马来西亚）自述：在我的活动清单中，我选择写下我最热衷的一些俱乐部和活动。这篇文章让我能够将自己的其他方面包括在内，例如我的爱好（钩针编织、折纸和阅读），也为我提供了一个途径来揭示我生活中塑造了今天的我的某些方面。这就像照亮聚光灯并放大了我的这一部分，这解释了我加入我所在的俱乐部和社团的理由。

　　2、Stepping Out of my Comfort Zone

　　If you told me I would be playing a sport called squash at 11 years old,I would call you crazy.But in seventh grade,I was at a new school 10 times bigger than my last one.I felt like a little fish in a big pond.I was quiet,withdrawn,and very introverted.A lot of the time,I stayed where I was comfortable.

　　During the first week of school,a group of people visited the school and they introduced themselves as Squashbusters.At that time,I’d only heard of Squash once before,but I didn’t really know what it was.Because the program combined the sport of squash with academic support,mentoring,and service opportunities,I decided to sign up.It’s been six years and this program has made a monumental difference in my life.

　　Being a part of SquashBusters is a program that really pushed me out of my shell to the point where I’ve grown accustomed to challenging myself.In SquashBusters,they tell us to push ourselves past our limits on the squash courts,but that mindset has transferred to other areas of my life as well.From team trips and tournaments to cringy karaoke moments and participating in eccentric traditions like our annual SquashBusters Olympics,my comfort zone has steadily grown larger.My peers brought out a side of me I didn’t even know existed.I haven’t transformed completely from introvert to extrovert,but I’ve become more social as the years go by.

　　At Hopkins,I want to do something similar.I want to try new things and embrace the campus traditions.Even though I will develop intellectually from the many academic classes and clubs/activities offered on campus,I feel as though a true community is birthed from exploring beyond what one’s used to.From traditions like Blue Jay Opening Day and the Spring Fair to the many world-changing clubs like the Amnesty International club and the Foreign Affairs Symposium,the different ways to be involved in the Hopkins community is limitless and invigorating and I can’t wait to be a part of the Hopkins family.

　　招生官点评：Samuel的文章是对自己走出舒适区的反思，这不仅是重要的人生课程，也是JHU学生每天都在做的事情。我们的学生突破发现的界限，在课堂内外面临挑战，并追求新发现的激情。通过逐渐习惯于挑战自己，Samuel体现了这些特征，并且能够将他在壁球场上学到的经验应用到他生活的其他领域。他表明，如果有机会，鉴于各种学术和课外机会，他将在我们的校园里蓬勃发展，并且他具备克服所面临的任何挑战的实力。

　　Samuel（波士顿）自述：我对目前正在写论文的学生的建议是要记住，初稿很少会写得很好，所以即使难以理解，也要尽可能多地写。还要给自己很多时间来接受来自同龄人、老师甚至是自己的修改。

　　3、Red Over Black

　　“Bring the ace of spades up,”my Grandmother said as we started our first game of solitaire after I got home from school.“Now,put the black eight onto the red nine.”We played solitaire often,working together to reorganize the cards most efficiently.While it was meant to be a single-player game,solitaire was the one thing we did together,moving and dealing the cards in a symphony of order:red to black,red to black.Pulling the pattern out of the random array of cards.

　　For hours,we sat at our glossy kitchen table,playing game after game.If there were no more moves to make,I would always sneak a card from below a column without my grandma seeing.She always did.I couldn’t understand-What was the big deal of revealing the cards?We might win one out of ten games played.But if we just‘helped ourselves,’as I liked to call it,we could win them all.I didn’t understand her adherence to the“Turn Three”rule.Why not just turn the cards one by one?It was too frustrating to see the cards go by,but turn exactly three and not be able to pick them up!After one game we lost,I asked my grandma,“Why do we play this way?There’s a much better way to play.”In response,she quickly explained her adamancy to the rules,what before had made no sense to me.

　　Her polished fingernails scratched against the cards as she shuffled them and told me.“Solitaire isn’t just a game for one person.”Her deep brown eyes sharply glanced at me,“No.”It wasn’t just a game for one person,but rather for two sides of a person.It was an internal battle,a strengthening of the mind.One playing against oneself.“If one side of you cheats,how would either side get better?”

　　Red lipsticked lips slightly grinned as my grandma saw me trying to understand,but I didn’t agree with this thought at once.The cards rhythmically slapped down onto the table as my grandmother,small yet stoic,effortlessly moved the cards with frail hands.I watched her.I thought about any other way to understand this idea.I desperately wanted to.Trying to think,I couldn’t imagine another instance where this sense of tranquility,bringing the melody of organization out of a cacophony of random cards,came from such intense competition.

　　The slow manipulation of life around her precedent made me think back to my grandma,to what she told me,and made me understand.Two years later,pushing myself harder than I ever had before in a field hockey match,I realized how much I had been cheating myself and my team by not putting this effort in before.Four years later,I was helping my parents clean after dinner when I saw the value in not taking the easy way out.Five years later,I found once again the difficult ease in pottery.Lifting the pot off the wheel,I found satisfaction.Looking back,I hadn’t realized that this notion of self-accountability appears in almost every aspect of my life.

　　Seven columns.Four aces.Fifty-two cards.Laying these down,I’m brought back to playing solitaire with my grandmother.Through time,her inner spirit never crumbled as her body began to deteriorate.Her mind stayed strong and proud.I admired her for that more than she could’ve imagined.Each challenge I face,or will face,in life,I think back to her lesson one inconspicuous afternoon.Never let myself cheat.Always hold myself accountable.Work hard in every competition,especially the ones against myself,as those are the ones that better me the most.I did not understand what my grandmother meant that day.Now,with each day,I do more.

　　招生官点评：许多学生想在大学论文中分享他们生活中的重要人物或家庭成员。这方面的挑战是确保论文仍然是关于申请人的，而不仅仅是关于重要人物的。Elizabeth很好地融入了这个重要的人，她的祖母，同时仍然专注于自己，她从那一刻学到了什么，这对她的生活产生了怎样的影响。此外，尽管Elizabeth一开始关注的是童年经历，但她将童年经历带回到了日常生活中，并将责任感和辛勤工作贯穿始终。了解Elizabeth是谁和她的价值观，有助于我们了解她在校园社区中的地位。她证明了她的努力工作和自我负责的价值观不仅限于纸牌游戏，还融入了运动、爱好、家庭生活，并肯定会在大学校园的新社区中大放异彩。

　　Elizabeth（康涅狄格州）自述：我想用我的论文来向委员会展示我的个性和我最看重的东西。我在文章中列出的东西，比如自我负责、努力工作、自我提升等，是通过申请系统的其他方面很难在一个人身上看到的东西。我希望委员会了解我如何看待这个世界以及它的起源。

　　4、Queen's Gambit

　　No,Dante.Stop,think,and look at the entire board.

　　I was thoroughly confused.I thought I had procured the complete solution to this elaborate chess puzzle.What am I missing?A knight fork,a bishop move?Am I in check?After a quick glance at the left side of the board,I slapped my hand on my head as I suddenly realized what my chess coach was telling me.My queen was sitting unused,positioned all the way on the other side of the board,and I had no idea.If I were to sacrifice my queen,the opposing rook would be forced to capture it,allowing me to finish the game in style with the illustrious“smothered mate.”

　　If you begin to look at the whole chessboard,then these puzzles will become a breeze for you.

　　Ever since that chess lesson,those words have stuck.Indeed,my chess skills improved swiftly as my rating flew over the 1000 Elo threshold in a matter of months.However,those words did not merely pertain to chess.Looking at the whole picture became a foundational skill that I have utilized throughout my life in school and other endeavors.I particularly remember making use of it on the soccer field.

　　Now,I’m no Arnold Schwarzenegger.Weighing in at a monstrous 125 pounds and standing 5 foot 8 inches,my opponents made it a habit to tackle me to the ground.Once again,I found myself face to face with the defender,and before I knew it,I crumbled to the ground,left isolated and dispossessed.Laying dazed on the pitch,my mind flashed back to the chessboard.It occurred to me that soccer,much like chess,relies on the proper position of the many pieces that combine to create a finished strategy.The“whole picture”of soccer is not just how fast or strong one is or how many tackles you put in;that is only one element of the puzzle.The intelligence and creativity needed in a playmaker is also an essential part of a well-rounded soccer team.I realized that my most significant advantage would always be my in-depth understanding of the game of soccer—where to pass the ball,when to make a run,if the ball should be in the air or driven.I picked myself off the ground,and when that same defender came barreling towards me again,I was zoned in,oblivious to the noise around me.I chipped the ball into the open space right behind him,knowing my teammate would run into the space without even looking.From then on,I continued to hone my skills through intense practice to become the best playmaker I could be,working in conjunction with my faster and stronger teammates to become a well-balanced,unified team.

　　Through chess and soccer,I have discovered that every piece in a puzzle has a purpose.This new perspective has enhanced my ability to stop,stand back,and analyze the whole picture in the many dimensions of my life.In my scientific studies,it was not enough to examine just one C.reinhardtii cell,but it was necessary to zoom out the microscope to capture all of the thousand cells to truly understand quorum sensing and its consequences.In my studies of music,it was not enough to listen to the melody of the finale of Beethoven’s 9th symphony,but one must realize that the true beauty of the composition lies in the whole orchestra handing off this simple melody to every instrument.All these facets—music,research,soccer,chess—are not only completed puzzles but also parts of a greater whole:my life.Every aspect of myself matters as much as the other.As high school comes to an end,the pieces on my board are set,and I only have success in mind.

　　Your move.

　　招生官点评：Dante的这篇文章向读者清楚地表明，他非常好奇，并通过展示而非讲述来表达自己的兴趣。他深思熟虑地将他从国际象棋中学到的经验教训与他在足球场上的表现联系起来，并很好地专注于他所学到的东西，而不是对整个国际象棋比赛或足球比赛逐一复述。读者还可以看到Dante可以将他在一门学科中学到的知识应用到另一门学科中，这对于在霍普金斯大学取得学业成功至关重要。我们的招生委员会可以阅读这篇文章，并找到明确的证据表明Dante的思维方式将帮助他在我们的跨学科课程中茁壮成长。

　　Dante（佛罗里达州）自述：在整个大学申请过程中，“整体形象”始终是一个重点。我从字面上接受了这个建议。我[用这篇文章]作为一种将我的申请中的所有内容联系在一起的方式，给所有内容一个更有意义的目的，而不仅仅是一份课外活动的清单。我想让委员会知道我所做的一切不仅仅是为了填写简历，而是我想向他们展示我所做的一切都是有意义的，并且是全神贯注和努力完成的，以便让自己变得更好。

　　5、Left and Right Don't Exist

　　The first lesson I learned as a student pilot is that left and right don’t exist.Maybe driving on a highway or in a parking lot,left and right is precise enough to describe the location and movements of slow-moving bikers,pedestrians,and cars.But at 36,000 feet in the air in a steel tube hurdling almost 200 miles an hour?Left and right just don’t cut it.

　　During one of my first flights in a small Cessna-182,my flight instructor ordered me to scan the horizon for approaching aircrafts.To my right,I caught a glimpse of one:another Cessna with maroon stripes,the sun’s reflection glinting off its windows.Gesturing vaguely to my two o’clock,I informed my flying instructor,“There’s a plane to the right.”

　　“No,to your right.From his position,what direction does he see you?”From his angle,I was to his left.In that moment,I realized that perspective and precision of language is everything.The radio chirped:“Cessna One-Eight-Two Sandra,heading north to John Wayne Airport.Over.”

　　I navigate using my compass’s north,east,south,and west directions because every pilot’s vantage point differs from each other both vertically and horizontally,creating opposite perspectives.My right was that pilot’s left.

　　Through flying,I began to consider all points of view,regardless of my personal perspective.

　　Perhaps it was my ability to scan the horizon to communicate a single story,uniting contrasting outlooks,that drew me to my love for journalism and the diverse melting pot that was my community.

　　To me,journalism modernizes the ancient power of storytelling,filled with imperfect characters and intricate conflicts to which I am the narrator.As editor-in-chief for my school newspaper,The Wildcat’s Tale,I aim to share the uncensored perspective of all students and encourage my editorial groups to talk—and listen—to those with whom they disagree.Starting each newspaper edition with a socratic,round-table discussion,I ask the other journalists to pursue stories that answer the questions:why did this happen and where will it lead?

　　Expanding beyond the perspectives of my classmates,I began writing articles for the Korea Daily,and later,the Los Angeles Times High School Insider.I schedule interviews with city council candidates,young and old voters,and mayors of my town,obtaining quotes and anecdotes to weave into my writing.My interviews with both Democratic and Republican voters have taught me to thoroughly report polarizing-opposite opinions through an unbiased lens.As a journalist,I realized I cannot presume the opinions of the reader,but instead simply provide them with the tools necessary to formulate their own conclusions.

　　However,differences in perspective in my articles are not solely limited to politics.I found that in my suburban community,people love to read about the small-town hospitality of their own friends and neighbors.Quirky traditions,like our Fourth of July carnival clown and local elementary school’s Thanksgiving talent show,are equally as important to me as national headlines are.My favorite stories to publish are the ones taped onto fridges,proudly framed on the mom-and-pop downtown diner,or pinned into the corkboard in my teacher’s classroom.I discovered the size of my story does not matter,but the impact I leave on the reader does.

　　In my time as both a student pilot and journalist,I grew to love these stories,the ones that showed me that living life with blinders,can not only be boring,but dangerous.Whether I was 36,000 feet in the air or on ground level,by flying and writing,I realized that the most interesting stories of life come straight from the people most different from me.

　　招生官点评：Stella在这篇文章的开头讨论了她学习飞行的经验。然而，这则轶事并不是关于行为本身的，因为这是她从经验中学到的视角和观点。然后，她能够将这些收获与她生活的另一个方面联系起来——她对新闻的热爱。随着她与新闻界分享更多关于她的方法和影响的信息，她明确表示，飞行的经验教训永远存在于她的工作中。从在报纸编辑室听取他人的想法和观点，到从平衡和深思熟虑的角度看故事，我们能够了解到她如何处理自己的激情，以及她的社区。这篇文章能够通过与我们分享一些新的激情和扩大她的一些影响来提升整个申请，但其主要重点是她如何能够将一次经验教训应用到生活的其他方面。当我们思考Stella将成为我们社区的什么样的成员时，这篇文章帮助我们理解她将是一个愿意倾听、学习、应用这些知识并产生影响的人。

　　Stella（洛杉矶）自述：我选择写我最喜欢的两个爱好，飞行和写作，因为我知道我可以最诚实地写我喜欢做的事情。这篇文章记录了我对看似日常任务和情况的思考过程和创造性方法，这是简历中无法列出的。我没有写我认为霍普金斯大学的招生团队会留下深刻印象的东西，而是学会了专注于写一篇能抓住我个性的文章。在保持专业的同时用我自然的对话声音写作是一项挑战，但也是有益的。

　　6、Dancing Together

　　I cannot dance.

　　This is not something I often admit willingly;in fact,it is quite baffling to me how horribly incapable I am at performing even the most basic movements on command.My grandmother often describes it as“a tragedy”as she is forced to watch her grandchild absolutely butcher our country’s cultural dances,beautiful expressions of our unique West African roots turned into poor facsimiles by my robotic movements.

　　And yet,year after year,I find myself taking the dance floor at my family’s events,seemingly unaware of my objective lack of skill.Eventually,my display proves to be so amazingly unbearable that I am removed from the floor and shown the correct movements over and over again until I am able to replicate them well enough to come back.Bizarrely,despite my previous declaration that I cannot dance,for the past three years,I have found myself performing an entire choreographed routine at my school’s yearly pep rallies.

　　It is through looking back at these events that I realize that I have created a mischaracterization of my dancing abilities through my decisive first sentence.I can dance and am,in fact,very capable of doing so,but not when I act insularly.My ability to dance correlates directly with how willing I am to collaborate,the input and support of others turning the uncoordinated and unwieldy into the near-graceful.

　　My attempts at dancing have led me to value community and collaboration greatly,and I find myself seeking and being drawn towards environments that will allow me to continue to develop both of these values as I learn and grow.Through my internship with the Johns Hopkins Applied Physics Lab,I was exposed to and became fascinated by the collaborative spirit that lies at the heart of Johns Hopkins.The idea that one cannot discover or innovate when working alone was affirmed during my research,and I have come to see that mutual collaboration and community are integral aspects of Johns Hopkins’unique culture.From the research initiatives that breach the boundaries between class levels,to the many organizations such as the Tutorial Project,relying on the shared initiatives of different students to directly make an impact on Baltimore and its many communities,and the distinctive access to especially interdisciplinary topics such as neuromorphic systems,I view that Johns Hopkins exemplifies the peak of collaborative achievement in education.

　　招生官点评：在Dayann的文章中，我们了解了一些关于他的事情。首先，他喜欢参与。尽管他坚持说他不会跳舞，但我们看到他在整个文章中都在跳舞。其次，他意识到自己实际上可以跳舞，但需要与他人合作，发挥自己和团队的最佳品质。第三，他能够将这与他的未来联系起来。他认识到，为了发挥自己的潜力，他希望在一个可以与同行合作的地方，让他们挑战自己，让自己变得更好。

　　Dayann（马里兰州）自述：选择关注我的文化和我以前的不安全感作为一种媒介，通过它我可以展示这种背景如何塑造了我以及我的价值观以及我在学术和研究兴趣中想要什么。写这篇文章最具挑战性的部分是想出一种方法来弥合我从内省中了解到的自我与我想从大学获得的具体经历之间的差距。它本质上是识别并表达我认为霍普金斯大学是适合我的地方的原因。

　　美国名校招生官青睐什么样的申请文书?防坑指南

　　如果说确定主题、确定个人品牌是骨骼的话，那么创意写作就是血肉。但是中国学生的创意写作非常弱。基于文案老师对中国学生思维和表达问题的了解，本文会分析一下中国学生文书写作中经常踩的陷阱。这些陷阱与中国人的表达习惯、中美文化差异，以及写作习惯都有关系。美国文书误区

　　在文书中过度介绍自己的成就

　　很多学生第一稿的文书都是简历的加长版，把简历当中的内容再扩充一下。

　　这样做很不合适，因为这些信息已经在申请表格中填过了。招生官并没有从你的文书中更好地认识到你，他们觉得你在浪费他们的时间。更严重的是，他们觉得你是一个没有深度的学生，因为除了成绩单和活动之外，你已经没有其他内容好写了。

　　那么这个陷阱怎么避开呢？

　　首先，你要真正理解美国大学申请中要学生专门写文书的原因。中美教育体系中的一个重要文化差异就是美国更强调个人主义和独特性。招生官希望通过申请材料对申请者有一个全面的了解，而文书正是一个展示学生独特性的重要机会。

　　意识到这背后的文化差异之后，下一步就是怎么体现你的独特性。

　　其他人喜欢罗列以往的成就，但每一个成功都会伴随着很多障碍和挫折，你可以写自己面对和处理挫折的方式，这更能体现出你的感情、体会、思考和成熟度，你可以从这个角度入手，体现你的独特性。

　　在讨论挫败经历的时候，招生官会看重学生从克服障碍中获得了怎样的个人成长，这比单纯说自己的成就更让人印象深刻。

　　你还可以挖掘过往经历，通过深入的细节体现你的独特性。大家都有这样的体会，如果你问一些人同样的问题，一开始问一些浅显的问题时，大家回答都差不多，但是你追问下去，问更多细节时，回答上来的人就越来越少，你就越能看出不同人的真实水平。同样，写文书也是一样，细节是体现差异的重要因素。

　　举个学生文书的例子，大家感受一下：

　　在美国高中的两年里，我参加了两个非学术的社团。这两个社团给了我机会认识商业和医疗行业，也让我了解了这两个行业未来的职业发展。我还实地考察了儿童医院，也参加过两次血库的活动。这让我有机会跟不同的人交流，了解不同的兴趣、态度和价值观。这份工作也教会了我对人要有耐心、责任感以及一颗感谢的心。

　　学生写得特别笼统，对各项活动只是表面介绍，没有深入了解。我建议学生不要把所有事情都写出来，而是关注一个经历，在整个文书中重点阐述。

　　我们在指导学生文书时会指导学生思考他们是谁和他们的价值观，帮助学生从生活中找出特殊的经历来表现学生的成长、反思和批判思维。我们还会帮学生了解哪一些特征是符合美国价值观、可以作为文章内容的，哪一些是中国人对美国文化有误解的地方。

　　这个学生的经历都与医学相关，这类主题很容易写出情怀、写出很打动人心的故事的，生老病死是每个人都会面对的，很容易引起大家共鸣。

　　这个学生不应该笼统地说「认识到商业和医疗的行业」，而应该描述自己了解了什么，通过什么方法了解到的，这些了解对他有什么影响。他甚至可以解释他在血库做了什么事情，也可以整篇文章都拿来描述他在儿童医院的经历。

　　总之，把一个活动展开写，要写透、写深、写得有血有肉。

　　文书中有太多总结性的、笼统的描述

　　很多学生的文章太过平铺直叙，没有起伏、高潮，看了第一段就能猜到最后一段是什么，非常枯燥。

　　就拿文章开头来说，你的文章能在别人看第一眼的时候，就能吸引住别人，像钩子一样「钩」住读者的兴趣吗？这个技能非常重要，因为你可能为这篇文书准备了几个月，但招生官只会花费1分钟时间来看它，第一眼吸引不了他，后面的内容他可能没有耐心认真看了。

　　我们在指导学生写文书时，会指导学生学会「show,not tell」的写作技巧。让学生能把读者带入进去，使读者能通过行动、语言、感觉来体验学生写的故事，我们会教学生使用5种视觉性语言（用5种感官）。

　　分享一个申请康奈尔学生的文书例子。这个学生有很高的学术成绩和标化分数，但是他总写不出一篇好的个人故事。学生打算写一篇关于输掉水球比赛的故事，这是一个很中规中矩的题材。因此，为了让这个学生看起来与众不同，我们需要用一个吸引人的场景来引出他的故事。

　　他的文书开头是这样写的：

　　我将我的头伸出水面，透过模糊不清的水汽，我看见一个黄色物体向我飞来。我的手臂本能的向前伸并且轻轻地抱住了球。马上，一个健壮的高年级生冲过来。当我的身体在他带来的水浪中摇晃时我几乎恐慌了，并且盲目地把球投了出去。但是我想到，我不能像去年那样了，这场比赛将是不同的。

　　大家可以感受到这个开头是比较有吸引力的，直接进入到故事中，避免太多的故事背景。一旦你吸引了读者，你有足够的时间去给出内容和背景。

　　美国的学生很小就学习创意写作，但是中国学生这一块比较弱，所以我们在指导学生写文书时，创意写作是重要的一环。

　　申请文书中缺乏个人反思

　　在文书的末尾，学生需要反思出故事与学生性格和价值观的联系。反思是一篇好文章很重要的因素，因为它体现出批判性思维和成熟度，这对在美国大学的成功很重要。但学生常常在写自我反思这方面有很大的压力。

　　给大家举一个例子，还是上面那个打水球的学生，文章的最后这样反思了他失败的经历。

　　在那之后，我在比赛中变得更加活跃。当我的队友开始依靠我时，我变得越来越大胆。我最终成为了校队的队长。正如我经常告诉我的团队，退缩和害怕达不成目标并不会有助于达成目标。我总会通过干扰对方最快和最强的选手，来确保给我所有的队友表现的机会，并且我还会给那些对自己缺乏信心的队员传球。

　　尽管每个季度结束后我都觉得手臂和双腿十分疲惫，甚至背上还有流血的抓痕，我依然感到满足。我学到，生命就像一个向你飞来的水球。当你恐惧时，机会会从你头上飞过。你必须要有勇气把机会抓住，然后征服它。

　　通过最后一段，学生很精妙地对他的个性和人格进行反思。这次的水球比赛对他产生了巨大的影响，我们看到这个学生有能力把挑战转化为成就，这种精神任何一个美国大学都非常看重。

　　语法和语言上的错误

　　对于英语是第二语言的学生来说，语法和语言是很常见的错误。总体来说，中国学生很喜欢用很大但是不常用的词，我们不建议学生用词过于复杂。